If you’ve ever watched a Hallmark Christmas movie, then you know the four essential parts of what the world calls a “good” romance: cute guy, creepy boyfriend, peaceful Christmas tree farm, and the climactic kiss. But is this everything we should be expecting?
What is Romance?
If you were to jump back 200 years and ask someone to give you a good romance novel, they’d probably hand you something like A Tale of Two Cities or The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, which, sure… maybe there’s a little romance… but it’s not the central plot.
That’s because 200 years ago, the term “romance” meant “fiction”. A romantic reader was someone who liked adventure and drama and heroism. Over time, we’ve separated the two terms and created a whole genre specifically dedicated to “the happily ever after”.
We love our cozy blankets, cups of tea, and plotless plots. How many of us can guess the ending by just looking at the front cover of the novel?
I’m a romantic reader, in the oldest sense of the word. I love a good adventure, a little chemistry between characters, and a dramatic ending. But even stories like that can still have too much chemistry. Not only do we have to wonder whether cheesy romances are really healthy for readers, but what about those stories where romance is taken to the whole new level of explicit sexual content?
And therein lies the two dangers of the romance genre.
Danger #1: Unrealistic Romance
How many movies or stories have you read with this exact plot?
- Introduce big-city girl who needs a break from corporate America and decides to head to the country.
- By some happenstance, she meets a hard-working Christmas tree farmer who is naturally single.
- Some minor travesty happens usually involving the girl’s nerdy boyfriend or the tree farmer’s gorgeous girlfriend.
- The travesty is overcome and they all live happily ever after.
And right there are the 3 myths of what every romance is (or should be) like.
Myth #1: The Perfect Hero
In most underdeveloped romance plots, one partner is the Mary Poppins. They are practically perfect in every way. Maybe they have one or two flaws, but they are generally the greatest. In the end of the story when everyone is admitting their faults, they are mute. They’re not silently prideful (that would be a flaw)… they just have nothing bad to say about themselves.
Is this completely unrealistic? Yes and no. Some stories (like allegories) will show you a perfect hero in an attempt to mirror the Greatest Hero. But what about those stories with everyday people living their everyday lives? No one is the “perfect” girlfriend or boyfriend.
In a “good” romance – in a radical romance – the heroes sharpen each other, they acknowledge their flaws, they fight together to conquer them. We see Mr. Darcy’s pride because of Elizabeth Bennet’s prejudice, and vice versa. When Mr. Darcy acknowledges his prejudice when he proposes to her, Elizabeth Bennet must reconcile with her pride. They strengthen each other through their weaknesses.
Myth #2: Love at First Sight
What generally follows from the perfect hero is love at first sight. Many romances build upon this principal because it’s easy. What better way to get the main characters together than to have one of them go head over heels in love with the perfect hero? Is this trope overdone? Yes. Is it completely false? No. Think of the book of Esther. The entire plot takes place because King Ahasuerus fell in love with Esther at first sight.
Love at first sight can create an unrealistic image of what a good relationship should be like. It’s like judging a book by it’s cover without knowing anything about the author’s worldview, the story plot, or even the genre the book is set in. When kids (and teens and adults) read books with the trope of “love at first sight”, they may be unconsciously believing that this is how it always happens.
Jane Eyre, written by Charlotte Brontë in 1847, gives us a picture of a good and healthy romantic story. Jane refuses to allow herself to fall into the “love at first sight” trap because she knows how dangerous it is. She takes precautions to guard her mind and heart because she knows the deception she is able to fall into. When she knows that loving Mr. Rochester is wrong, she leaves from his mansion with no intention of returning.
If you’ve ever read Jane Eyre then you know that the story ends beautifully. Their story is a wholesome, edifying, and gorgeous romance.
Myth #3: The “Happily Ever After”
I have nothing against the “happily ever after” ending in a story. I mean, The Greatest Story ends with a vision of the future happily-ever-after that every follower of Christ will enjoy.
People often encourage kids and teens to read romance because it’s cute and adorable and they’re going to face it some day. But romance that lies to a child or teen is more destructive than never being introduced to it.
“Happily ever after” isn’t the be-all-end-all. Just because they fell in love doesn’t mean the battle’s over. It’s not wrong to end a story here, but our culture tends to focus only on romantic love before the wedding ceremony, and rarely shows the beauty of married love and family.
Danger #2: Sexual Tension
Modern readers have, for some reason, developed this idea that every romance story needs to contain some sexual tension. It’s become common and commonplace. So we’re going to dispel the 3 myths that support the dangerous idea that sexual tension is essential to a romance plot.
Myth #1: Sexual Tension is Healthy
The headline of a website article posted a few years ago read “Stephen King Slams Twilight Franchise as “Tweenage Porn“. While I’m not recommending King’s books, I appreciate the issue he’s addressing.
Too many people today believe that young adults need to read about sexual tension. Cyndy Etler, an author and teen life coach expresses her beliefs in a post, entitled “What Do Young Adults Want to Read? Let My Students Tell You“:
“If you want your book to be the one that teens scarf down in one sitting, talk to their friends about, and consider a part of their actual life, you’ve got to give them the dirt most adults won’t touch. Real language—meaning cuss words, if you can deal. Real sex stuff, instead of cutting the scene when the going gets going. Real substance use, if that’s how your characters would spend their Friday night.”
Is this what teens and kids should be reading? Immersing themselves in the dark and the dangerous? In the same way that a young man will feed his sexual desire by visual pornography, teenage girls will often immerse themself in a sexually explicit story to give themselves the enjoyment of the romantic feelings. While many parents would find it unthinkable to encourage visual pornography, they don’t see any issue with handing a book to their young adult fraught with sexual tension. They don’t realize the danger that “Tweenage Porn” poses to readers of all ages, especially girls. Marian Jacobs, a guest writer on DesiringGod.org, addressed this very topic:
“Does the sexually charged content in these books edify anyone, at any age? Do unmarried teens and twentysomethings honor Christ in their singleness when they immerse themselves in a world that flirts with sexual immorality?”
Romance isn’t healthy when it flirts with sexual immorality.
Myth #2: Sexual Tension is Wholesome
Farther along in Marian Jacob’s article, she states the obvious truth relating the questionable benefits of reading sexual scenes:
“…many YA books simply end up teasing the emotions. They take their readers on a roller coaster of tension, leaving their hearts hazy and confused, not more virtuous or mature.”
For the same reason we don’t immerse ourselves in bloody writing and profanity-laden pages, we don’t view sexually explicit scenes as “good” or “beneficial”. They may be realistic, but are they wholesome and edifying to readers?
Myth #3: Teenagers Need to Read About Sexual Tension
There are things that are inappropriate in a story. An overdose of graphic violence, bucketloads of profanity, and explicit sexual content are just a few of the things most parents (and even some teens) would see as inappropriate not just for the “littles”, but even for themselves.
At the end of her article on what young adults want to read, Cyndy Etler sums up her whole message with these words:
“Long short, what do young adult readers want to see in the chapters of your book? They want to see themselves. Their pain, their experimentation, their autonomy. They want to read about what they’re living, what their friends are living, and they want it in detail. At the end, they want to see themselves figuring out how to win. Such truth can be scary to write. That’s good. Scary is real. Bathe in the fear; use it as your ink. Because when it comes to YA, the real is what gets you the win.”
Is this what teens should be reading? Graphic violence that leaves them numb to bloody battles? An overdose of profanity that leaves them immune to the effects dirty language has? Explicit sexual content that draws girls (and boys alike) into literary “tweenage porn”?
In Conclusion:
Over the past three weeks, we have delved into some of the most controversial topics in fiction. Should kids read graphic violence? Is profanity wholesome in a book? Does romance edify a reader?
In this article, we touched on the two dangers often present in the romance genre: unrealism and explicit sexual tension. Any fan of Charlotte Brontë, Louisa May Alcott, and Jane Austen knows that a romance story can be wholesome and healthy while remaining true to the facts and away from inappropriate content.
I love a good romance, but in the oldest sense of the word. I like adventures where the heroes have flaws, where they work to strengthen each other, and where the romance edifies, not tears down, a reader. Marian Jacobs, who I mentioned a couple of times above, ends her article on the dangers of YA fiction in this way:
“Stories are incredibly powerful. They’re a weapon in the hands of the author. Let’s make sure that weapon looks more like the sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17), and less like a wrecking ball to our kids’ love for the Lord.”
Read the good romance novels. Read the radical romance books. Read stories with hope overcoming darkness, with strength overcoming weakness, and with love overcoming fear. Let’s become radical romantic readers.